Rumless
by CatrinaSL
Summary: Sometimes, thanks to Tony Stark, you meet your Soulmate on a deserted island. "Tony, there is no rum in this quinjet but I'm hallucinating my Soulmate even without it! What kind of crazy deserted island is this!" "Okay, the rum thing is not my fault," Tony insisted. Soulmate AU. FYDL POC Week.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but I do enjoy tequila over rum.

* * *

Darcy shivered. It was cold and lonely in the back of the quinjet. They weren't exactly built for comfort, she knew. Tony's fancy plane would have been much nicer. But, as Tony said, you can drop off astrophysicists in a quinjet, but it's much more difficult to perform semi-covert extractions of sexy former para-rescue guys and their star spangled sidekicks in a fancy plane that included amenities like a full kitchen, a stocked wet bar, and tolerable places to sit. Darcy acknowledged this was true (both the usage of the aircraft and the fact that Sam was smokin' hot), but that didn't mean she had to be happy about the quinjet's uncomfortable seats.

So she just sat, sad and alone, trying to focus on the important points of the conference she'd be attending with Tony. There were a few things she needed to double check with him about, but Tony was on the comms with somebody (and it was important, by the way he was talking).

Darcy wrapped her arms around herself and squeezed. It had been hours since they'd left Seoul, but it felt like no time had passed at all. She already missed Jane, which was ridiculous, but true.

It would be three months before they saw each other again, which was officially their longest time apart since Jane accidentally touched space goo, got abducted, and then was insulted by her boyfriend's dad.

But Helen needed Jane's help, and Tony needed Darcy's, and then there was that pesky Political Science degree to finish (finally). Everybody really knew that what Helen really needed Jane for was long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners, what Tony needed Darcy for was to see if there was someone else on the planet who could boss him around aside from Pepper, and that going back to Culver was Darcy's way of finding out if she could have a life outside of the craziness that an innocent-looking six credit summer internship had dragged her into.

She was just consoling herself with the fact that Jane had promised that she could have her job back anytime when Tony started yelling.

"This wasn't the plan, Cap!" he shouted, taking the quinjet into a descent. Darcy couldn't help but wonder how their plans were changing when Tony continued, "You know I have a civilian with me!"

The civilian in question could not help but be concerned.

"Fine, but I'm calling Rhodey in!" he barked angrily, tearing off his headset.

"What's going on?!" she shouted as the quinjet touched down with a bump.

"Oh, no big deal," Tony answered nonchalantly, turning from the yoke and reaching for a familiar looking red and gold 'briefcase.'

"Uh, it kind of looks like one," Darcy admitted.

"Nah," Tony replied, kicking the stowed suit into action.

Watching Tony gird his loins for battle would have been pretty cool, except for the fact that she was pretty sure she was going to be abandoned on whatever deserted island they had landed on while he went off to fight it.

At least she _hoped_ it was deserted.

"Sam and Steve's stern talk sort of turned into a shooty, explodey thing, so their pick-up needs to be an extraction instead," he explained.

"The 'cover my escape' kind?" Darcy asked.

Tony nodded his faceplate into place.

"At least tell me this shooting and exploding is taking place far enough away that there's no chance bad guys will follow you back here and try to shoot and explode us when we escape."

"Next island over," Tony's voice echoed out of the suit. He indicated the direction, then turned and clanked out of the quinjet. "Sam can't carry Steve that far, so Iron Man to the rescue."

Darcy hated to sound like a damsel in distress, but, "What about me?"

"Rhodey's on his way," Tony told her. "He was at a thing in Japan, so he'll probably miss the fireworks, but just in case."

"Great. What am I supposed to do while you guys are hopefully not dying?"

"Whatever you were doing before," Tony said. "In whatever flavor of 'staying alive' that you like the most. You know where the rations are, right?"

Darcy frowned. "How long is this 'extraction' going to take?"

Tony's face was inside the suit with the rest of him, so Darcy had no way to interpret his silence. "Call me in the radio if you need to, but only if it's an emergency."

"Foreshadowing," Darcy muttered darkly as she watched him take off.

She stalked back onto the quinjet and checked out the food stores. When she noticed that something big was missing, she rolled her eyes.

* * *

Calls to Assemble never happened at very convenient times, but occasionally things worked out just right for him to wow a crowd of Marines right at the end of an inspiring speech. Rhodey flew away from that particular audience secure in the knowledge that it was a story they'd be telling for years.

He smiled and headed for the coordinates Tony had sent him, somewhere in the South China Sea. When he got there, however, there was a decided lack of combat. Just a lone quinjet.

"Tony?" War Machine asked, dialing up his best friend.

"Yeah, hey, Rhodey, you almost here?"

"I'm here," he replied. "You're not."

"We're almost finished," Tony told him. Something exploded in the background and there was a wince in Tony's voice when he continued: "Well, mostly. Maybe we could use your help a _little_."

"Why did you call me here if you didn't need my help?" Rhodey wondered, annoyed.

"Extra backup is never a bad idea," Tony said. Rhodey sighed. He hated it when Tony quoted his own words back to him. "And also Darcy's in there. Would you mind checking on her before you head over?"

"Darcy?"

"Darcy Lewis," Tony explained over the sound of his propulsion system and another, nearer, explosion.

"Are you sure you wouldn't—" Rhodey began.

"Just tell her everything's going fine and we'll be back soon!" Tony interrupted.

Rhodey had to wait for the echo of a third explosion to ask, "You want me to lie to her?"

Tony sounded amused when he answered, "Wouldn't be the first time you lied to a beautiful woman for me, darling."

"Get me your _actual_ coordinates," Rhodey growled back, and ended the call.

He flipped his faceplate up as he stepped into the quinjet, knowing that if he went inside, full War Machine, it would be a little intimidating.

At first it looked like the quinjet was empty, but then the blanket he'd thought was covering equipment on the floor shifted, and a girl appeared.

"Tony?" she murmured sleepily, rubbing her eyes. "Why is the rum gone?"

Rhodey looked down at her in surprise.

She blinked and gave him a once-over. "Whoa. You're... not Tony."

He cleared his throat. "I'm not," he replied. "But it's usually reasonable to assume he's the one to blame."

His Soulmate looked reasonably stunned, then stood and went to the cockpit and started pushing buttons.

"Darcy, I said emergencies only!" Tony scolded, his voice echoing through the craft.

"Tony, there is no rum in this quinjet but I'm hallucinating my Soulmate even without it! What kind of crazy deserted island is this?!"

"Okay, the rum thing is not my fault," Tony began, "but I think we're going to have to talk about the rest later. Rhodey?"

"I'm here, Tony."

"Change of plans. I need you to take your makeup off and fly that thing over here. Sam's hurt; I can carry Cap, but if Sam can't wing his way out, we might be screwed. I'll make sure we get to a safe rendezvous point, and then we can go for a traditional Monty Python exit."

"What—?" Darcy began to ask.

Tony interrupted with a higher pitched, "Run away! Run away!"

"All right, I got it," Rhodey said, already disengaging from his armor. "I've never flown one of these things before."

"I believe in you," Tony assured him. "Gotta go."

His Soulmate looked scared when Rhodey sat down in the pilot's seat.

"Get strapped in," he told her. "I'm sure everything will be okay."

"How do you know?" she asked, moving to obey.

He smiled. "Because there's no way I'm dying until I get to take you out for a drink."

She grinned back. "Okay, but I really prefer tequila to rum."

Rhodey nodded and got the quinjet in the air. "I won't forget."

* * *

 **Author's Note (August 13, 2016):** Thank you for reading! Before you run away, you could check out my blog (which has links to this story on ao3!): iwillwriteyourfic . blogspot 2016 / 05 / fydl-darcyland-poc-week . html


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